1 Corinthians 7

In 1982 I attended a singles conference and heard the best advice I had ever heard for someone contemplating marriage: “It is more important for you to be the right person than to find the right person.”
I want to share some information with you today by asking you a few questions so that you can decide for yourself if you are ready for marriage or remarriage. These questions are not exhaustive, they are just suggestive. This information is drawn from scripture and the best research we have on what makes successful marriages.
First of all, l believe premarital counseling is a must. Many people spend a year planning their wedding and never think about their marriage. If your fiancee is unwilling to attend premarital counseling — drop them!

Now to the Questions…

1. Should you get married?
Marriage is not a forgone conclusion. God has called some people in to singleness for the sake of their mission. If someone is single don’t think it is your mission to find them a mate.
Some people believe “There is only one person for me.” This is a completely unbiblical notion. There are many people with whom you could be compatible. the Bible indicates that your mate should be a member of the opposite sex, and should be a believer.

2. Are you happy in your single life?
You must learn to find your significance and fulfillment in God first. We can not expect others to meet all of our emotional needs. If you are unhappy in your single life and you marry someone to make you happy all you are doing is bringing someone into your unhappiness. Find your happiness in God and your life as it is, then invite someone into your happiness.

3. Have you lived on your own?
You stand a much better chance of having a successful marriage if both you and your spouse lived on your own prior to marriage. It demonstrates that you know what it means to be an independent adult. You should know by experience how to run a household and live on a budget. Until you have learned to take on adult responsibilities in the world, you are not ready for marriage.

What if you have not live on your own then at the very least you can live on a budget, pay your own bills, clean your own room and solve your own problems.

4. Have you learned to resolve conflict in a healthy manner?
There will be conflict, even in the best marriage. When there is conflict both people contribute to the problem, every problem. Conflict resolution is one of the most important skills you can learn for life and marriage. If every problem in your life is someone else’s fault you are not ready for marriage. Do you pout when you don’t get your way? Do you get mad when it is clear you are the one at fault? Do you manipulate others into doing what you want? If so it’s time to grow up before you get married.

5. Have you learned healthy communication habits?
The biggest asset in communication is the ability to listen, to listen for understanding. Instead of listening many people are trying to formulate their rebuttal, and never hear what the other person is saying. If you are prone to use quips and comebacks, if you always have to have the last word, it’s time to learn better communication lessons.

6. Do you understand the commitment of marriage?
the vows that we take are more than just poetry. They should mean something.

For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
Until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.

The degree to whiich we keep our vows determins whether we are people of our word. What would you do if one of you becomes disabled and can’t work? Or if one of you maked a bad investment and lost your life savings? Or if one of you gained a lot of weight or contracted a terminal illness? That is when you find out if your vows mean anything.

7. Can you sacrifice for the sake of your mate?
Marriage is a world of compromises and sacrifices. Can you sacrifice and not hold it against the other person. Can you sacrifice your dreams, material possessions, finances or time for your mate? Can you sacrifice your need to be right all the time or your need to be the center of attention.

8. Are you committed to sexual purity?
Becoming sexually involved clouds your judgment in every other area of your relationship and besides in is sin. If you are not sexually pure now, why would you expect to be after marriage? Can you delay you sexual gratification and guard the other person’s honor? If not now when?

Marriage is the closest relationship possible between two people. It is a great blessings for those who enter this holy covenant determining to glorify God. That is why many of the older services include this phrase from the 1935 Book of Worship:

It is therefore not to be entered into unadvisedly,
but reverently, discreetly, and in the fear of God.