Reflect and Renew

The Blog of Pastor Alan Cassady

Fully devoted followers share their faith with others

John 4:7-10 (11-38)

We have been looking at what means to be a fully devoted follower of Christ.Today we will talk about sharing our faith with others.

This passage tell the story of Jesus’ encounter with a woman from Samaria. This one encounter led to many Samaritans in the town believing in Jesus.
Samaritans had the reputation of being unscrupulous half-breeds. Although they had a mixed ancestry prejudice fueled much of the hatred. Many Jews would not even go through the region. But as the Scripture says, Jesus “had to pass through Samaria.”

Jesus’ actions can help us know how to be ready to share our faith

Jesus was ready to respond
Jesus had traveled about 30 miles by foot from Jerusalem to Sychar. He was tired from travel, teaching stopped to rest. As he rested he didn’t forget his mission
Who would have ever thought a well on the outskirts of town would become the starting place for a great revival?
He had been living his message, so now was no exception.

If we are going to be ready we must imitate Jesus.
• We must be aware of the true spiritual state of people far from God. Without Christ they are lost. We can not simply say, “Well they believe in God” or “he’s a good person.” Thoughts like that will discourage us from sharing our faith with others.
• We must know what God has done for us and be able to tell others.
• We must realize that opportunities to share may come at any time.
• Sharing our faith is the natural outgrowth of living our faith

Jesus noticed a person in need
We don’t know exactly what prompted Jesus to talk to the woman. It may have been the situation, a woman at the well at mid-day, or something in her face.
but whatever it was he noticed her and engaged her in conversation in a non-threatening way.
We must learn to be aware of the people around us. It is so easy to be preoccupied and not notice people. Engage them in non-threatening ways that demonstrate true human compassion. Cultivate genuine friendships with unchurched people. Don’t push, just give a gentle witness, offer them Christ

Jesus reached across boundaries

[Jn 4:9 ESV] The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.)

Jews normally did not have anything to do with Samaritans. It was considered inappropriate for a man to speak with a woman who was not his wife, let alone a Samaritan woman

We will also have to reach across boundaries, racial, economic, political, occupational, social and ethnic boundaries. Crossing those boundaries demonstrates that the love of Christ is real. We reach across not as superiors but as brothers and sisters, fellow pilgrims.

“Christianity is one beggar telling another beggar where he found bread.” – D.T. NILES, New York Times, May 11, 1986

Jesus related to her as a person
He respected her and did not judge her. He listened to her and responded appropriately. He was not following a rehearsed program or speech. He only went as far as she would allow and adapted the message to fit her needs.
We must not treat people as souls with ears. They are not a project or a target, they are a person. You may have memorized a program or strategy, but relate to them as a person. In the Conversation, discover their needs and apply the gospel to them.

[John 4:35] …Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest.

Here is a very touching story that illustrates the power of simple faith sharingIn the fall of 2005, my 9-year-old son, Austin, had his tonsils removed. Before the surgery, an anesthesiologist came in to start an IV. He was wearing a cool surgical cap covered in colorful frogs. Austin loved that “frog hat.” When the doctor started to leave, Austin called out, “Hey, wait.”

The doctor turned. “Yeah, buddy, what do you need?”

“Do you go to church?”

“No,” the doctor admitted. “I know I probably should, but I don’t.”

Austin then asked, “Well, are you saved?”

Chuckling nervously, the doctor said: “Nope. But after talking to you, maybe it’s something I should consider.”

Pleased with his response, Austin answered, “Well you should, ’cause Jesus is great!”

“I’m sure he is, little guy,” the doctor said, and quickly made his exit.

When Austin’s surgery was finished, the anesthesiologist came into the waiting room to talk to me. He told me the surgery went well, then said, “Mrs. Blessit, I don’t usually come down and talk to the parents after a surgery, but I just had to tell you what your son did.”

Oh boy, I thought. What did that little rascal do now? The doctor explained that he’d just put the mask on Austin when my son signaled that he needed to say something. When the doctor removed the mask, Austin blurted, “Wait a minute, we have to pray!” The doctor told him to go ahead, and Austin prayed: “Dear Lord, please let all the doctors and nurses have a good day. And Jesus, please let the doctor with the frog hat get saved and start going to church. Amen.”

The doctor admitted that this had touched him. “I was so sure he would pray that his surgery went well,” he explained. “He didn’t even mention his surgery. He prayed for me! Mrs. Blessit, I had to come down and let you know what a great little guy you have.”

A few minutes later, a nurse came to take me to post-op. She had a big smile on her face as we walked to the elevator. “There’s something you should know,” she said. “Some of the other nurses and I have been witnessing to and praying for that doctor for a long time. After your son’s surgery, he tracked a few of us down to tell us about Austin’s prayer. He said, ‘Well girls, you got me. If that little boy could pray for me when he was about to have surgery, then I think maybe I need his Jesus, too.'”
Tina Blessit, “A Prayer Before Surgery,” Today’s Christian Woman (July/August 2006), p. 27

Fully Devoted Followers Worship God

Romans 12:1-2

I started this series talking about the attitudes of a fully devoted follower of Christ.
Now we want to move on to the actions and today we look at Worship.

Worship carries many different meanings for people it could mean:

  • The formal liturgy of the church
    Praise songs
    Quietly meditating on the Psalms
    Gospel songs and testimonies
    Raucous high energy music with dancing
    Drums and chants

Worship comes from an old English word which means to attribute worth or respect to someone.

Fully devoted followers of Christ worship God with their lives. Worship is more than what we do here, it includes all of our life.

Casting Crowns sings a song which helps us get a handle on this kind of worship

LifeSong
Empty hands held high, Such small sacrifice
If not joined with my life, I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say, And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing, Bring a smile to You

What is it we do to worship God fully? How do we know when out worship is empty hands held high, and when it is pleasing to God? How do we know when we are just honoring God with our lips and not with our lives?

Romans 12:1-2 can help us understand what that kind of worship looks like.

Therefore…
In light of all God has done…
1. Reached out to a rebellious, self-centered people

2. God made a way to be reconciled, by his sheer mercy, by grace through faith

3. Gave us a way to be victorious over sin and evil

When we approach worship, the “why” is bound up in all that God has done for us through Christ. That is reason enough for us to worship him and serve him the rest of our days.
In other words worship is not doing God a favor, it is expressing our gratitude for All God has done for us.

Living Sacrifice
Those who first heard this epistle were well aware of the concept of sacrifice. This time they were not only to offer a sacrifice, but be the sacrifice. Sacrifice is an offering, not just giving something up. A living sacrifice is an offering of your whole self; the whole of who your are. At its essence our obedience is the sacrifice we offer, our daily lives become the sacrifice.

LifeSong
Lord I give my life, a living sacrifice
To reach a world in need, to be Your hands and feet
May the words I say, And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing, Bring a smile to You

Spiritual Worship
The words translated “spiritual worship” can also be rendered “reasonable service.” It means an intelligent and deliberate act of worship in light of all God has done for you. The most reasonable thing you can do. It is spiritual in the sense that it is real and genuine. The word translated “worship” alludes to the work or service of the priests in the temple.

How do we become a living sacrfice?
1. We renew our minds. Allow God’s word to be the lens through which you view all of life. See all of life from God’s perspective: yourself, others, situations, relationships, hopes, life

2. Use the gifts you have been given in service to God
[Rom 12:6 ESV] Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them….

Worship, real authentic worship ascribing worth to God with our lives — all of our lives.

Is your work, study, home life, relationships, financial life, recreational life, social life, worthy of God.

It can be…start where ever you are and seek to honor God. Notice how the text is paraphrased in the Message

[Ro 12:1-2 The Message ] So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Revolution: Becomeing a Fully Devoted Follower of Christ

This post begins an eight part series entitled Revolution: Becoming a Fully Devoted Follower of Christ. The series is based on the book by George Barna.
Luke 9:57-62

Last October as we were finishing up work on our Mission / Vision I was searching for a way to describe the kind of life to which Jesus has called us. I liked the phrase “fully devoted follower of Christ,” but what did that mean?

Penny (my wife) and I were attending Catalyst and happened to hear George Barna talk about his book Revolution. In the book he describes the lives of a group of Christians who have left the institutional church but were still passionately committed to Christ. As he described the characteristics of those Christ followers, I knew I had found the description I was looking for.

For the next several weeks you will hear each of those characteristics. Actually, they are behaviors or actions. We will answer the question what does a fully devoted follower of Jesus look like.

Before we dive in to that I think we should first of all look at the attitude or mind-set of a fully devoted follower of Jesus. Being fully devoted is not just only about actions it is about the heart and mind as well.

If we are going to be fully devoted followers of Jesus we will need these attitudes.

A Commitment to Perseverance
In the passage above, one of the would-be followers seemed to be caught up in the moment. He was ready to follow Christ out of impulse. It doesn’t seem that he had through the implications of his decision. Following Jesus was not as glamorous as he suspected.

We, too, can get caught up in the same fantasy. We follow Christ because he meets my current needs of forgiveness. We get caught up in the emotion of the event. We seldom think through the implications of our decision.
There is a marked difference between
• Coming to Jesus to escape hell (there must be more)
• Making a decision for Christ (voting for Jesus)
• Becoming a Christian (a one time event)
• Following Christ ( a life long journey)
Being a follower of Christ will sometimes be exciting, fulfilling, meaningful, cool, awesome, rewarding, but there are also times when it will be tough, unpopular, painful, risky, dangerous and demanding.

Settled Priorities
Jesus called someone to follow him and he makes what seems on the surface a reasonable request.
The duty to parents was one of the highest priorities in Jewish society — it was considered to be an act of piety, but there maybe something else going on here.
By asking to wait until he buried his father he probably was asking to wait until his father died to come and follow Jesus
Jesus made it clear that following him trumped family obligations
Notice this passage:

[Lk 14:26 ESV] “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.

This exaggeration was a characteristic of Semitic people; it helps create a stark contrast. The statement means that “if there is a conflict, one’s response to the demands of discipleship must take precedence of even the most sacred of human relationships.” [NIB vol. IX p. 292]

We are to have one priority above all else – following Christ

An Undivided Mind
One would-be follower simply wanted to bid farewell to his family and friends, or so it seems on the surface. This may have been a way of saying “Let me have a going away party,” or “Put all my affairs in order.” After I get every in order I will follow you. One day I will follow, but not right now.
Jesus gives a very stark word picture to highlight the urgancey of following him now

[Lk 9:62 ESV] Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

We, too sometimes long for the old life. We begin to long for the fun and forget the consequences. We don’t press on with Christ and get discouraged. We forget the end result of the old life.
Living out our complete commitment to Christ means looking forward.

[Php 3:7-11 ESV] But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

Following Jesus means that the life Jesus offers is worth everything we go through. Our relationship with Christ is not an appendage to our lives; it is the core. When times get tough we don’t take a break from worship, we run to worship to be reminded of God’s care for us.
We must have the conviction down deep inside that Jesus’ way of life is the best way of life!
Someone might say, “If I follow Christ like you say there will be big consequences for me. Yes there will, but there will be consequences to any way of life you choose and you will have to live with them. Which set of consequences will you choose?

Conclusion
We don’t know what either of these would-be disciples chose. But we do know what Jesus chose. He continued down the road to Jerusalem knowing full well what was waiting for him.
The writer of Hebrews puts it this way:

[Heb 12:2-3 ESV] [We should look] to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.

Jesus was faithful in all he did. He took the journey ahead of us. He looked at you and me and said it was worth it. And now he calls us to do noting more than what he did.

Healed and Clean

2 Kings 5:1 (2-4)

[2 Ki 5:1 ESV] Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Syria, was a great man with his master and in high favor, because by him the Lord had given victory to Syria. He was a mighty man of valor, but he was a leper.

The story of Naaman is one of those stories that make you think about the ways God works in the world. Jesus even referred to Naaman as an example of God reaching over the Jews to heal a pagan. let’s look at the story.
Naaman was the Commander of the armies of Aram (Syria). The Lord gave him victory over Israel at Ramoth-gilead where King Ahab was killed in battle.
The scriptures describe his as “a great man,” a technical term which meant he was a man of considerable social standing, a mighty warrior and highly regarded by the king.
After giving us this glowing introduction the test continues with the simple words, “…but he was a leper.”
Leprosy referred to any number of different skin diseases. It had many social implications and even the possibly of death. To say the least he was in a very desperate condition.

The Path to healing
Naaman had exhausted every means of healing at his disposal. No doubt he was discouraged, depressed and desperate.
In his household there was a slave girl who was probably taken during the war with Israel. She had compassion on the pagan military commander and provided a solution.

[2 Ki 5:3 ESV] She said to her mistress, “Would that my lord were with the prophet who is in Samaria! He would cure him of his leprosy.”

The king of Syria wrote a letter of invitation to the king of Israel. The king of Israel was shocked and dismayed with the request for him to heal Naaman. The prophet Elisha heard about the incident at told the king to send Naaman to him.
Apparently Naaman had quite a few expectations of what would happen when the prophet healed him. He would probably be welcomed as an honored guest, there would be a very moving solemn mysterious ritual and the disease would be gone. But that is not what happened.
Elisha didn’t even come out of his house. There was no greeting, ritual, spells or incantations. He simply sent his servant tell Naaman to, “Go wash in the Jordan seven times.”
Naaman was angry, offended and indignant, but his servants persuaded him to do as the prophet asked. And he was cleansed.
This story has profound implications for our cleansing as well. We can learn a lot about the salvation God offers from the story of Naaman

God reaches out to enemies

    Naaman was an enemy and Romans says the same thing about us:

    [Rom 5:10 ESV ] For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.

    We are rebels by nature and yet God reaches out to us because he loves us.

    Salvation only comes God’s way

    There was only one way for Naaman to be healed, and only one way for us to be saved
    Here is the way way:

    • Confess: Agree with God about your rebellion
    • Repent: Turn and forsake your way
    • Believe: Place you whole trust in what God did through his Son, Jesus in the cross and resurrection

    Salvation comes only through faith and obedience
    For Naaman to be healed he had to believe what Elisha said and act on it. The same is true for us. Just knowing is not enough, we must act on what we know; and then obey. Obedience is the demonstration of trust, the test of faith. That faith and obedience should then spill over into every other area of our life.

    God uses all kinds of people as witnesses
    We tend to favor professionals. We will travel far and wide to hear the testimony of some famous person, but completely discount the testimony of those we rub shoulders with every day. God used a slave girl and he uses others as well, just ordinary people. God can even use you!
    Every encounter you have has the potential to change someone’s eternal destiny. So we must live our faith, talk our faith and be ready
    Conclusion
    We have an incurable disease within us called sin. This disease destroys our life inch by inch. It messes up every relationship in our lives, because there is something wrong with our primary relationship – our relationship with God.
    There is a cure. The cure does not rest in us, but in the power of God.
    To be healed we must trust the Word of God spoken by prophets and ordinary people— and we must obey.
    When we Obey we are healed, saved, cleansed, delivered and restored.
    It can start right now! No blinding lights, no pilgrimage to the Holy Land, no verses to memorize, no special words to utter. Just believe and Obey.

Are You Ready For Marriage?

1 Corinthians 7

In 1982 I attended a singles conference and heard the best advice I had ever heard for someone contemplating marriage: “It is more important for you to be the right person than to find the right person.”
I want to share some information with you today by asking you a few questions so that you can decide for yourself if you are ready for marriage or remarriage. These questions are not exhaustive, they are just suggestive. This information is drawn from scripture and the best research we have on what makes successful marriages.
First of all, l believe premarital counseling is a must. Many people spend a year planning their wedding and never think about their marriage. If your fiancee is unwilling to attend premarital counseling — drop them!

Now to the Questions…

1. Should you get married?
Marriage is not a forgone conclusion. God has called some people in to singleness for the sake of their mission. If someone is single don’t think it is your mission to find them a mate.
Some people believe “There is only one person for me.” This is a completely unbiblical notion. There are many people with whom you could be compatible. the Bible indicates that your mate should be a member of the opposite sex, and should be a believer.

2. Are you happy in your single life?
You must learn to find your significance and fulfillment in God first. We can not expect others to meet all of our emotional needs. If you are unhappy in your single life and you marry someone to make you happy all you are doing is bringing someone into your unhappiness. Find your happiness in God and your life as it is, then invite someone into your happiness.

3. Have you lived on your own?
You stand a much better chance of having a successful marriage if both you and your spouse lived on your own prior to marriage. It demonstrates that you know what it means to be an independent adult. You should know by experience how to run a household and live on a budget. Until you have learned to take on adult responsibilities in the world, you are not ready for marriage.

What if you have not live on your own then at the very least you can live on a budget, pay your own bills, clean your own room and solve your own problems.

4. Have you learned to resolve conflict in a healthy manner?
There will be conflict, even in the best marriage. When there is conflict both people contribute to the problem, every problem. Conflict resolution is one of the most important skills you can learn for life and marriage. If every problem in your life is someone else’s fault you are not ready for marriage. Do you pout when you don’t get your way? Do you get mad when it is clear you are the one at fault? Do you manipulate others into doing what you want? If so it’s time to grow up before you get married.

5. Have you learned healthy communication habits?
The biggest asset in communication is the ability to listen, to listen for understanding. Instead of listening many people are trying to formulate their rebuttal, and never hear what the other person is saying. If you are prone to use quips and comebacks, if you always have to have the last word, it’s time to learn better communication lessons.

6. Do you understand the commitment of marriage?
the vows that we take are more than just poetry. They should mean something.

For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
Until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.

The degree to whiich we keep our vows determins whether we are people of our word. What would you do if one of you becomes disabled and can’t work? Or if one of you maked a bad investment and lost your life savings? Or if one of you gained a lot of weight or contracted a terminal illness? That is when you find out if your vows mean anything.

7. Can you sacrifice for the sake of your mate?
Marriage is a world of compromises and sacrifices. Can you sacrifice and not hold it against the other person. Can you sacrifice your dreams, material possessions, finances or time for your mate? Can you sacrifice your need to be right all the time or your need to be the center of attention.

8. Are you committed to sexual purity?
Becoming sexually involved clouds your judgment in every other area of your relationship and besides in is sin. If you are not sexually pure now, why would you expect to be after marriage? Can you delay you sexual gratification and guard the other person’s honor? If not now when?

Marriage is the closest relationship possible between two people. It is a great blessings for those who enter this holy covenant determining to glorify God. That is why many of the older services include this phrase from the 1935 Book of Worship:

It is therefore not to be entered into unadvisedly,
but reverently, discreetly, and in the fear of God.

Disciple Bible Study

For the past nine months two groups of people from Woodbine have been involved in Disciple Bible Study. Disciple is produced by the United Methodist Publishing House and has been in existence for over 15 years.

Disciple I takes the group on a journey through approximately 75% of the Bible in order to take in the broad sweep of Biblical history. Other studies in the series focus on different specific parts of Scripture.

The whole point of Disciple can be summed up in these few verses.

“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
John 8:31-32 (ESV)

There are three words I want us to consider as we think about what it means to be a disciple.

Abide
If we abide in Jesus’ word we are his disciples…

To abide means to remain, dwell, continue in the words of Jesus. In other words. We are to establish a permanent relationship with the Word of Christ, a relationship which includes hearing, understanding and obeying.If we abide, continue in Jesus’ word we will be his disciples.

The opposite is also true. If we do not abide, no matter what we think or say we are not disciples — we have no relationship with Christ. The only way to have a relationship with a person is to be engaged with their words, their expressions of themselves. To have a relationship with Jesus is to be engaged with his words. A disciple is one who is learning from the master, seeking to be like the master. That is our goal as disciples: to increasingly become like Jesus in our life situations. In order to do that we must become engaged with the words of our master Jesus the Christ

The Truth
If we abide in Jesus’ word we are his disciples and we will know the truth…

Outside of a relationship with Christ we can only assume the truth about him. As we enter a relationship with Jesus through his word we discover the truth about him and more.
Abiding in the word of Jesus Christ tells us:

  • The truth about God: his nature, will, purpose
  • The truth about Jesus: his identity, mission
  • The truth about ourselves: identity, sins, gifts, mission
  • The truth about the church: identity, mission
  • The truth about the world: their need

When we know the truth it changes every perception we have

Freedom
If we abide in Jesus’ word we are his disciples and we will know the truth and the truth will make us free.

The freedom Jesus brings is the freedom to become who God created us to be. One way to envision this is through the image of the exodus.

In slavery the Jews were the people of God and had a mission to reveal God to the world, but they couldn’t do it in slavery. God sent Moses as their deliverer to bring them our of bondage. At Sinai they got a glimpse of who God is, who they were and what their mission was. It started at Sinai with the Commandments and continued with the wanderings and settlement of Canaan. With every event the people learned more about who God was and who they were are God’s people. Finally they learned about the mission in the world to be a light to the nations.

This is an apt analogy to our life in Christ as well. In Christ we are delivered from slavery to sin. Through God’s word we learn the truth about God, ourselves and the world in which we live. We are then set free to be the people of God in a broken world so others can see and join us in this kingdom life.

That is what Disciple is all about. Disciple helps us to learn about the people of God in the past and how God taught them and lead them to be a light to the world. God did that through their successes and failures. And so God does with us as well.

In Disciple we learn to abiding in God’s Word, become disciples of Jesus Christ, discover the truth, and are set free to live out the mission we have been given.

Maybe you have struggled to do all of this on your own. If so, I invite you to join a Disciple group and see the power and grace of God released in your life in new ways.

Love and Respect

Ephesians 5:25-33

This week’s sermon was based on the book Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. [Please visit his website to get more in depth and specific information.] He suggests that many problems in marriage can be traced to one of two things:
1. Husbands doing unloving things toward their wives
2. Wives showing disrespect toward their husbands
These, of course, can be done intentionally or unintentionally.
Here are some examples:

A Husband acts in unloving ways when he:

  • Forgets anniversaries, birthdays or other important dates
  • Doesn’t share his feelings with his wife
  • Leaves his clothes on the floor, again
  • Clams up or walks out the room when there is a disagreement
  • Doesn’t apologize
  • Doesn’t follow through on commitments
  • Refuses to connect with his wife emotionally

A Wife acts in unloving ways when she:

  • Rejects her husband’s insight into problems
  • Criticizes him in public
  • Criticizes his attempts to connect her
  • Rejects him sexually or uses sex to manipulate him
  • Ridicules his attempts to provide for her
  • Complains because he is not being the leader in the home, but then criticizes him when he tries

The Crazy Cycle
These actions often times sets up the crazy cycle where the wife reacts to the unloving acts of her husband in disrespectful ways. The husband then reacts in unloving ways and the cycle repeats. Some times it starts with the husband, sometimes with the wife. On and on it goes a before long no one knows why.

We can get off the crazy cycle when we:

  • Assume both are good willed
  • Understand that a husband needs respect just as much as a wife needs love.
  • Realize what is happening
  • When one of you decides to be the mature one and refuses to get on the crazy cycle.
  • The cycle stops when one of you decides to grow up and be mature

How can husbands to show love to their wives?

Closeness

  • Your wife longs to connect with you

Openness

  • Open up to her, share your day with her, ask about her day

Understanding

  • Listen when she share a problem, don’t try to “fix it”
  • Don’t dismiss her fears no matter how irrational they may appear

Peacemaking

  • Learn to say, “I’m sorry, please forgive me.”
  • Let her vent her frustrations and hurts without getting angry
  • Keep the relationship up-to-date and resolve hurts quickly

Loyalty

  • She needs to know you are committed to her
  • Be involved with the things that are important to her
  • Don’t look lustfully at other women
  • Keep your commitments
  • Speak highly of her in front of others

Esteem

  • She wants you to honor and cherish her
  • Encourage her and praise her for whatever she does
  • Open the door for her
  • Teach the kids to show her respect

How can wives show respect for their husbands?

Conquest – his desire to work and achieve

  • Thank him for working
  • Listen to his work related stories
  • Don’t dishonor or criticize his work

Hierarchy – his desire to protect and provide

  • Verbalize your admiration for his desire to be willing to die for you
  • Don’t put down his job or how much he makes

Authority – his desire to serve and lead

  • Husbands are responsible before God to lead
  • Support his image as a leader
  • Praise his good decisions; be gracious with the bad ones
  • Disagree with him only in private

Insight – his desire to analyze and counsel

  • Thank him for his advice
  • Be respectful when you dis agree
  • Realize when you see things differently, his ideas are not wrong just because they are different

Relationship – his desire for shoulder to shoulder friendships

  • Sometimes doing nothing together can build your relationship
  • Tell him you like him and show it
  • Engage in recreational activities together or watch him
  • Encourage him to spend time with his guy friends
  • Don’t denounce his shoulder to shoulder friendships

Sexuality – his desire for sexual intimacy with you

  • Husbands crave sexual intimacy the way wives crave emotional closeness
  • What if your husband didn’t talk to you for 3 days, weeks, months?
  • You can’t get what you want by depriving you partner of what they need
  • Allow him to acknowledge his sexual temptations with out fearing he’ll be unfaithful and without shaming him
  • Don’t use sex as a bargaining chip

Father’s Day

A little humor and a prayer for Father’s Day

If Men Could Write the Rules

Rule # 1 – Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.

Rule # 2 – If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Rule # 3 – It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

Rule # 4 – You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done – not both.

Rule # 5 – Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.

Rule # 6 – Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we.

Rule # 7 – When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying “Is this is our exit?” is not necessary.

A Prayer

For our fathers, who have given us life and love,
that we may show them respect and love,
we pray to the Lord…

For fathers who have lost a child through death,
that their faith may give them hope,
and their family and friends support and console them,
we pray to the Lord…

For men, though without children of their own,
who like fathers have nurtured and cared for us,
we pray to the Lord…

For men who are struggling to learn what it means
to be a father in this complex world,
we pray to the Lord…

For men who have become step-fathers,
who give guidance in a blended family,
we pray to the Lord…

For fathers, who have been unable or unwilling to be a source of strength,
who have not responded to their children
and have not sustained their families,
we pray to the Lord…

God, in your wisdom and love you made all things.
Bless these men, that they may be strengthened as Christian fathers. Let the example of their faith and love shine forth. Grant that we, their sons and daughters, may honor them always with a spirit of profound respect. Grant this through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Adapted from resources found at http://www.homiliesbyemail.com/Special/Fathers/fathersday.html

All You Need is Love

1 Corinthians 13:1-8

Every couple I have ever joined in marriage were sure they were in love. I’m sure that is the case with most every couple who has ever been married. So why did many of these couples end their marriage in divorce?

It could be that we don’t really know what love is.

New Testament words for love

The New Testament uses several words for love from the Greek language.

  • storge – affection demonstrated in families. It is only used in a negative sense in the NT and is translated in the ESV as “heartless.”
  • philia – the love of friendship. It the loves that exists between people because of their association with one another e.g. brotherly love.
  • eros – a love that seeks satisfaction wherever it can. It is a love that captivates. This loves sees desirable traits in another and moves to satisfy its hunger. It is a sensual love. Eros see the value in an object and seeks that object with all of its might. This was the highest type of love for the Greek philosophers.
  • agape – Paul and the other NT writers choose this little used word to signify the love God has for us and we are to have for others. agape love bestows value on an object, simply because it is loved by the subject. This is what is known as unconditional love.

The Elements of Love

Dr. Robert Sternberg, formerly of Yale University, has given us some help in understanding love and his description fits well into a biblical framework. Dr. Sternberg discovered that love involves three elements:
Tri Love

Passion is the motivational side of love. It gives us the urge to pursue someone. It is the sensual side of love.

Intimacy is the emotional side of love. This is where know the person. They become our soul-mate or best friend. Intimacy fills our deepest desires for closeness and acceptance.

Commitment is the cognitive, willful side of love. This is where love looks to the future and promises to be there no matter what. It anchors of love with passion burns low and difficult times come. This is the side of love that is celebrated in the marriage ceremony.

The goal of any marriage is to hold each of these in balance. There maybe times when there is fluctuation in these areas, but it is the presence of each of them that holds love strong and keeps a couple working in the marriage.

Challenge

The challenge for this week is to grow in each of these areas.

Passion: find ways to deliberately move toward you mate. Rehearse again in your mind what it was that first drew you to each other.

Intimacy: Reconnect to each other. Create a safe place in your relationship without criticism, ridicule and invalidation. Then deliberately share with each other you hopes, dreams and even your fears. Ask questions with curiosity and wonder.

Commitment: find ways to reaffirm your commitment to one another. You both stood before god and made vows to, “love… comfort… honor …and keep one another In sickness and in health, And forsaking all others.” You also promised to:

To have and to hold
From this day forward,
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
Until we are parted by death.

Did you mean it? Are you a person of your word? Then do what it takes to make your commitment firm and clear.

This is the way God loves us. God loves us with passion, intimacy and commitment. And because he loves us this way we can love others that way!

The Genesis of Marriage

Genesis 2:18-25

The Problem

It is common knowledge today that half of all marriages end in divorce. What is shocking is that that statistic holds true even for Christian marriages. In addition, second marriages are failing at a rate approaching 70%.

A few years ago the State of Alabama reported that the average length of first marriages in that state was 9 years; the average went down 2 years for every subsequent marriage.

Cohabitation

In light of these statistics, many couples are opting for living together to avoid divorce. Cohabitation, however, has it own problems.

  • the majority of couples break up after only 2 years
  • twice as many cohabitating couples are conflicted than other couples
  • cohabitating couples score lower on indicators of personal happiness and higher in the area of depression
  • couples who cohabitate before marriage have a higher rate of divorce than other couples
  • when those couples come for pre-marital counseling, they score lower in almost every area of the inventory

Obliviously cohabitation is not the answer to a lower divorce rate

Observations from Genesis

  1. Marriage was God’s idea. Marriage is a gift from God it is meant to be a blessing
  2. Marriage is for companionship. God created the woman so the man would have a companion compatible with him. Marriage is closest relationship possible for two people. They are to be “one flesh.” Husbands and wives are “heirs together of the grace of life.”
  3. Marriage involves a new relationship. Couples leave the families of origin to establish a new family.
  4. God intends marriage for our good. Marriage was the answer for something that was “not good.”

God’s goals for marriage

  • Personal fulfillment. God wants the very best for us in marriage. God wants our marriages to be a source of happiness, joy and contentment.
  • Personal Growth. Because marriage is the closest relationship possible between two people, it gives us great opportunities for growth. We can grow in perseverance, patience, forgiveness, servanthood, love and many other character qualities.
  • A witness of God’s love to a broken world. Paul reminds us that the marriage relationship is an object lesson of the love that Christ has for the church. Our marriages have the potential to reveal Christ to others.

One answer to the problem of divorce is to rediscover God’s purposes for marriage and allow God to shape our character through our marriages.

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